3 years down the drain? Post a Reply | Views: 416 | Started By: InneedOfLo.. | Replies: 6 Ok this is going to be really long. I'd appreciate it if someone could atleast read it and give their opinion. Really I would... I'm in need of someone(s) caring. WARNING: Some of it is babble some isn't.Ok me and my gf were together for 2 years and everything was so perfect until towards the end of our two years I got careless. Not willing to do anything for us or myself. I worked till 10pm and didn't want to pretty much head out after work. I didn't want to deal with people except my own girlfriend. So she started to lose her love and feel for our relationship. Sure enough we broke up on Xmas. It hurt. It really did.... she kept saying how she had to find herself and she was just unhappy. Time went by.. and yes I did kinda push on her a bit too much to the point she was angry with me. Anyways, time went by and I met some girl that I became really good friends with. We started hanging out etc etc. Me and my gf weren't talking (this is about a month later, we only saw each other or talked about 3 times before that and she was VERY cold and she would give me only one word answers) and so one day I was with that girl and and my gf comes by with her friends. She gets out of the car to say hello and to meet this person. Whatever she was a bit on the cold side and was sort of disrespectful in some way. We got into an arguement that night and stuff literally hit the fan. That was our first major arguement. Sure enough the day after she called me up and asked me to go out to eat so we could talk and hang out. It went great that night and she confessed that she was jealous and she doesn't want to risk losing me. Whatever we got back together after weeeks and weeks of hanging out and working it out. At this point I was kinda pissed at her because I kept asking myself: what would have happened if she didn't see that girl? would she have talked to me? Her whole answer to our break up was that she neeeded to do it so that I would change. I believe it in some respect but I don't. Because it was such a bad breakup it hurt me alot and I had alot of resentment towards her. So we got back together and for the last year we've had a rough relationship. She got very sick at one point and now shes tired all the time and complains about it. She says she can't do anything about it either. This played a huge role in how I felt about our relationship. She also changed into this new person that was VERY reserved and she had this attitude of "why should I care for anyone since they don't care for me?" Why you ask? because her only friends were mine and she used to be so giving etc etc. Thats what I fell in love with and many other things. She got close with a few of my female friends and helped thjem out in their worst situations with other guys and when they actually wroked out none of them ever really even called to talk or to hang out. So it seemed like she was bitter towards everyone. I was there with her through everything I was there when ever she needed to complain to someone. She had her best friend but her best friend was also giving her problems doing her own thing at her college and kinda making her new friends and leaving my gf out of it and it hurt her bad. I helped her out with and i supported her and stepped up to be a better boyfriend. We still had a problem, we were still arguing because of me not being happy with her not willing to do anything with me. She never wanted to come out with me and my friends she really didn't have friends. She got into this phase of I love work and thats all I think about (shes like that right now). While at work shes meeting new people and making her own friends. We've been arguing for awhile now. Shes been unhappy and I have too. Sometime about month ago I was home and I drank a little to loosen me up so I could do my chores easier. She stopped by and I just got nasty with her and I said and did some stupid things. It seemed alot of rsentment came out becaus I was angry that she wouldn't do anything with me or go out with me when I wanted to go out. I would be at her house about 3-4 times a week and on those days I would watch her shows (friends, will and grace, dawsons creek, everwood, etc etc) She just didn't want to go out. Her best friend would call her up and they would go out and go to a bar and hangout and that hurt. my gf doesn't drink but she still went with her. So whatever about two weeks ago I brought it up to her that I was unhappy and we're both unhappy and that I thought we should both do our own thing and do whatever. This was a thursday night. She cried a little about it and we handled it really well no arguing nothing. We spoke like mature adults for once. She was laying on me and said "we could work this out.. we can we can.." and I said "no we can't". The only reason that I did this was because I wanted to force change on her with the way she did it to me. I never intended to break up I just wanted to scare her and sure enough it backfired on me. The following night I was at her house and we were talking about how were unhappy. I made my points and sadly she agreed with them. Thats when I knew the backfire kicked in. She turned around and said "I think we should do our own thing. I'm not happy with my life and I'm not happy with us. I need to find my happieness again." There was a pointt in our relationship that we were madly in love for about a year and a half. then i got careless and we broke up. Then we got back together for about another year which our 3 year anni was Oct 31st. That night we went out to eat at 6:30 we got back to my place and she fell asleep by 7:30. that hurt. so that added to everything. Anyways we "broke up" nothing was ever said about weather this was us "breaking up" or us "taking time off". I saw her the day after while I was coming home from work I was crossing the street and she saw me and waited.. she asked me to head intot he supermarket with her and we talked a little and she was about to leave and I went to say bye by kissing her on the cheek and she gave me this weird look like she wanted more. So i hugged her and kissed her on her forehead. That was the last time I saw her. We've talked a little but she finalized it to me saying "I need to find myself I don't know what I want from us but all I know is I NEED to do this for myself and if I need to do this for myself and it requires you out I will do it." that hurt alot. I waited like two or three days which was two days ago and I called her. I told her that she might have a condition called CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and its possible that she got it after she had mono. Sure enough that lead me to push at her. I tried to hold back but it lead to me crying and pouring out saying how much I loved her and hoiw much I want to be with her and that we could work things out etc etc. She got mad and started saying how she wasn't feeling well and she wanted to get off the phone and if I continued that she would hang up on me and if i did it more she would shut me out completely. She said shes unhappy with her life and us and she wants to fix that. I don't know how to take that. I have faith in our relationship regardless of one year of fighting. Can that really push someone away for good? I realized after we broke up. I realized alot of things I did wrong in order to create those arguements. I realized I was too much of a p[erfectionist and I wanted our relationship to be perfect so I expected her to do what I wanted and thats why we fought because swhen she didn't I just got mad at her for it. We started our relationshoip when she was 16 shes going on 20 now. She always did for me and that was that. Now is it that I can't accept that maybe shes becoming a woman and she has her own ways and I'm not willing to accept that? I asked her "are you happy with the people at work and the friends you've made there?" she said she was happy and she enjoys it there. She hangs out with them alot now. I'm afraid shes going to forever enjoy that and forget us because theres no pain or anything there. Shes just having a good time. One of my friends told me that "Maybe what she needs is her own time. To find her own friends. TO everyone she was "your" girlfriend not known as kristen herself and maybe she needs to establish that to be happy with you?" but when we talked the other night and I poured out and she was like "maybe we can't fix this.. we've tried chris we've tried.. and maybe it won't. but I need THIS FOR MYSELF". At this point I didn't know what to do. I don't want to lose her. Is it possible for two people to break up and settle things with their own lives and be happy again? I cried saying don't do this I don't want to be with anyone I don't want to touch anyone else. she turned around and said "You think I want to touch anyone?" so that gave me some faith. But she seems very 50/50. Anyone think she will give us another shot even after a rough year? I mean I've proved I care and I was always willing to put my love first before my unhappiness. Could this work out after time? Yes I know time heal all wounds. I'm just afraid she might never give us a chance. I'm trying to make self changes like not being spiteful over small things and not being a perfectionist. What do I do? Someone please help. I love her to death and every day that passes it hurts more. People tell me that she might really need to find herself. If she finds herself I want her to be with me I want to share what we had and how were madly in love at one point. Also... She never invited me to hang out with her new friends. when I asked she said one of two things "You wouldn't like them" or "I need to establish them as my friends first so..."

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Pages:     1   2    Next     cont'd ..... This is going to be the second set of holidays I missing out with her. I was supposed to spend thanksgiving with her and her family but now we're nnot. How does one control spitefulness and anger so you don't take it out on a loved one? Sometimes I get spiteful because I just can't word things and I get mad with myself and I say stupid things. I love her and I'm scared I might have lost her for good. I mean she hasn't returned any of my things that she has. and she did say she doesn't want to touch anyone etc etc. I'm riding the wave of faith because we shared 3 years and I've proved I can be there. One thing that did hurt was like I said to her "You know I was there when you had mono and I sat there with you to help you heal because I cared and because I love you and I was there when you needed someone to talk to.." she turned around and said "chris I appreciate you being there but that was then and that doesn't help now and just because you sat there with me doesn't fix this or make me happy" that hurt... it really did... so please someone shed some light on me I know I'm missing some stuff I wanted to say. So bare with me.. theres some good and bads I didn't put in.. Responded: InneedOfLo..   First of all if you really love this girl then please don't give up on her. Yes sometimes us girls do need time to ourselves to find our inner love. Not only love for others but love for ourselves. I honestly do think she just needs time and then she will be willing to work things out with you. But you have to let her be now. Don't push her to make a decision so quickly because that will backfire. If you two had 3 years together rough or not that means that you are important to eachother no matter what. I know you say that you had a rough year but both of you need to realize that arguing doesn't solve much. In fact it makes things worse. But I still think that both of you just need time apart to realize what you mean to eachother and how much you love eachother. Don't give up on her. Don't lose faith because you did help her through a bad time and she will always remember that. Let her make some friends so when you two get back together she won't be so unhappy. During this time you can work on not getting so mad so quickly and easily. Try to make yourself understand things. Control your temper. When things get hard just think about the good times between you two. I hope I helped a little. If you want to talk I am here for you. Let me know what you think. Take care. Responded: Wow   is it really possible for two people who do love each other but are hurt to actually take time and maybe work out for them? It just does and doesn't work in my head. She hasn't blown me off even after I wrote her a letter and left her a little gift to make her smile yesterday.. She even said thank you and said the gift really did make her smile. In my letter I explained how I figured out why I resent her and I start fights with her. After all that was said and done she hasn't said we won't or we will be together. So my hope is still riding. My faithfulness and loyalty is still with her. Regardless whatever time frame this will be I will stick by her. I mean if I feel that someone else maybe come around who is worth it than I won't give it up. I need to be optimistic also. I do believe strongly in the sense that this might have been the time we really needed that we tried to take last year but failed because of jealousy. I'm believing that this possibly might make us stronger and more loving towards each other. Responded: InneedOfLo..   How do I "not give up" on her if she just won't give me face? I spoke to her briefly the other night because I had to ask her something and one thing I asked her was "Is this a time for both of us to heal and to work out our frustrations to heal?" she replied with "Yes, I think so..." She really didn't say much after that. I believe this girl is the greatest person in the world... We've spent alot of better days together than we have arguing. I'm afraid that she might actually find happiness alone without me and never decide to do anything about it. We haven't had closure or anything on our relationship. It was just mutual that we needed time apart. Does time apart mean that its ok for her to be very cold and less responsive? Does time apart mean I should just let her go and never talk to her till she calls me? How I keep faith if theres nothing to hold onto besides what we had? Everyday its just like I NEED to be with her. I know shes not feeling the same way. Why is it she can't have the need for me? I've been handling it well with not talking to her but last night I saw an Ex I haven't seen in 3 years and right after talking to her she tried to kiss me and I just backed off and totally looked the otherway. At that moment I had more heart ache and its like i had 10x as much appreciation for my girlfriend than before. Everything just flashed and I started to ache. I wanted to call her and tell her that but I feel it would be a push. We've been "apart" for 3 weeks now and we've spoken maybe 3 or 4 times. Responded: InneedOfLo..   Try not to worry about it so much. Think of it this way. When you said that you two were on a break so both of you can heal she agreed with you. So maybe she is not even planning on moving on with someone else but just wants to be alone right now. Good thing you didn't call her because yes it would have felt like you are pushing her. Just give her time. And yourself time. It doesn't mean that you should never talk to her unless she calls you. Just give her some days and then maybe call her to say hi and ask how she is but don't mention too much about getting back together. Just let her know that you are thinking of her and care about her still. Take care. Responded: Wow   Pages:     1   2    Next