Was it written in my destiny's book? Post a Reply | Views: 224 | Started By: GirlInLove | Replies: 1 This story is dedicated to someone deep in my heart and soul. I don't know what to do about it so, I'm just going to put it in this story for you. I still love you..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hurt. Damaged. Bruised. Pain. Tears. My heart pounded endlessly. Weeks went by without hardly any food through my system. I cried forever and wished that he would return. I knew he never will though. He went to another's arms. He married her. He loved her as if I never existed! Every time I wake up, he'll always be on my mind. Tears that will gush out with every tiny little thought of him. He was supposed to be my future, my love! Then, he came to me....... He was my first true love. Yeah, but every first love always hurts. Mine? Well, it's all good. He married another and cheated on me. My days went insane thinking that over and over. I didn't know what to do but life goes on as usual. We were lost. We were crying with pain in our hearts. Both seeking for understanding, knowledge, comfort, and love. I had friends but they didn't understand yet. They haven't experience the true love affect. Then, I met you. Your cousin introduced me to you while back in the summer, while I was with my other past love. We talked here and there but it was nothing important. August came. The leaves started to fall. He crushed my heart. Hurted me in ways that I had never been hurt before. He made my heart and soul cry and ache with pain. I felt as if nothing could put my life back together again. I cried for days and nights alone by myself. You didn't even know me well back then. Your past lover also left you alone. She cheated you, hurted you. We had no one. So we ran to each other. I remember that day when you asked me out. 12 am. Midnight, where all the lovers come and proclaim their love for each other. You told me you wanted to be with me. My reaction? Shocked! I never thought anyone would want to be with me anymore. I was nobody important to anyone. I was worthless. Yet, you told me, I made you believe in love again. I made you believe that there's another chance in love. Another chance to make it right. Of course, I didn't believe it back then that much but as time went on, I didn't know how much those words would affect me. I said yes to you. Yes, I'll be your love. I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me. The months went by. We hardly saw each other because of our distance. Your calls were endless, always your voice telling me you missed me and you love me. I love you too. Every time I said those words, I was unsure. Why? Because..So much heartache still. I wasn't over the other person yet. I was still scared. Yet, I never told you. I should have though because my heart was dying slowly by guilt and fright. Guilt because I wasn't sure. Fright because I was scared to love again. Love grows though. Time went on. One month turned into 3 to 4 months. January came and I fell in love with you. I was so afraid to let go. I couldn't bear a day without you loving me. January came. The snow fell harder and harder. Every day I would wake up listening to the birds that still softly sing near the next door neighbors. The school days went by quickly because I knew that you would talk to me and comfort me at night time. I had no one else but you. My parents didn't understand me. Only you understood me and willing to lend a hand towards my heart. My heart grabbed your hand and held onto it. I remember you telling me that before we went out, you had a dream that you were running and running in the darkness. All the sudden, a light shone and a hand reached out. It was my hand. You held onto my hand and I helped you back up to the light. I thought about that dream many times. It amazes me how you have realistic dreams like that. Sometimes, I wonder if they're even real. Sadly, the days and weeks went by. The snow fell harder and harder. Your grades became low and my life became sadder by the hour. You stopped calling me because of your grades became low. You needed to put your life together. Inside of me, I knew that. I was selfish. I really was. I started to worry and think horrible thoughts. I thought you cheated on me. I thought you didn't love me anymore. Many thoughts came throught my mind so badly. Your calls started to disappear deeper in to the ocean blue. I cried sometimes at night and wondered if you cared. I knew inside my heart, you cared. I was just a selfish pig. Feburary came. Drastic changes came. The snow slowly melting away as if some love was dying. Feburary, the month of love and happiness. In my heart, my heart was filled with anger and selfishness. Things blocked my way to get to you. Problems became worser and worser everywhere I looked and turned. All the while, I was mad at you. Perhaps I was expressing all my anger towards you. *SIGH* It was wrong. Feburary. Feburary! The last couple of weeks came of Feburary. You were at work, working like you always did.I called you at work. My anger poured out. Crying and telling you I don't want to be with you anymore. My cold and my cries echoed through the phone, nonstop. So filled with anger towards this man! Ugh! He cried and said he tried his best. My anger covered up my feelings for him. You told me you loved me and that you tried. You even told me that you were going to come see me tomorrow. My heart pounded harder with vain. I couldn't handle it anymore. I hung up and cried alone with those ugly demons in my head.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sorry people, um, tell me what you think of this so far and then I'll write more laters. Gotta go!

Main / Relationships

January came. The snow fell harder and harder. Every day I would wake up listening to the birds that still softly sing near the next door neighbors. The school days went by quickly because I knew that you would talk to me and comfort me at night time. I had no one else but you. My parents didn't understand me. Only you understood me and willing to lend a hand towards my heart. My heart grabbed your hand and held onto it. I remember you telling me that before we went out, you had a dream that you were running and running in the darkness. All the sudden, a light shone and a hand reached out. It was my hand. You held onto my hand and I helped you back up to the light. I thought about that dream many times. It amazes me how you have realistic dreams like that. Sometimes, I wonder if they're even real. Sadly, the days and weeks went by. The snow fell harder and harder. Your grades became low and my life became sadder by the hour. You stopped calling me because of your grades became low. You needed to put your life together. Inside of me, I knew that. I was selfish. I really was. I started to worry and think horrible thoughts. I thought you cheated on me. I thought you didn't love me anymore. Many thoughts came throught my mind so badly. Your calls started to disappear deeper in to the ocean blue. I cried sometimes at night and wondered if you cared. I knew inside my heart, you cared. I was just a selfish pig. Feburary came. Drastic changes came. The snow slowly melting away as if some love was dying. Feburary, the month of love and happiness. In my heart, my heart was filled with anger and selfishness. Things blocked my way to get to you. Problems became worser and worser everywhere I looked and turned. All the while, I was mad at you. Perhaps I was expressing all my anger towards you. *SIGH* It was wrong. Feburary. Feburary! The last couple of weeks came of Feburary. You were at work, working like you always did.I called you at work. My anger poured out. Crying and telling you I don't want to be with you anymore. My cold and my cries echoed through the phone, nonstop. So filled with anger towards this man! Ugh! He cried and said he tried his best. My anger covered up my feelings for him. You told me you loved me and that you tried. You even told me that you were going to come see me tomorrow. My heart pounded harder with vain. I couldn't handle it anymore. I hung up and cried alone with those ugly demons in my head.Couple weeks later, you wrote me this letter. Gosh, I found it in the file I had the other day. I just broke down in tears. "uM..I'm ok i guessh. I'm actually doin' pertty good now..I'm at a 3.2 and higher than before. Well about us...I guessh it be kool that we be friends, but Ionoz for how long though...cuz I was talkin' to this gurl..mya, not shure what her name ish..but..they claim to come kill meeh, for hurtin' you. to be honest w/ you...I really really tried to come and it hurts that even though i couldn't be there, I can still be in ur heart.And that other tymes well come when i will take u in mah arms and swear mah love for you. but now all is lost and maybe forever. I'm afriad to love again...cuz after we broke up I have been a a very depressin' position. But ionno...ok..now...sometymes..I want to call but knowin' that I might fall in love with you again, i dare not..why? Because of shame, and dissappointment. I wanted to tell u b4 we broke, that I had a night mare that I died, and knowin' that u were gonna be along I cried the moment I woke..and after the break up..I know that even if I was alive or dead..I would never have u in mah arms, or hear your sweet voice..ever again.. *sigh* Well, I would love to be friends w/ you...but for how long, I'm not sure..I'm not scared of the MOD..that's what she claims..but if they do come around...oh well...I guessh that's it. They said that they hurted ur ex...b4, but no worries here...I got mah own back...well I guessh that's all for now..thanx for e-mailin' meeh, u don't know how much I apperciate it..thanx...well hope u are doin' good as well...I'll see u around...and in a bout a few day, ur key will be in the mail. i'd love to keep it, but it's not mine anymore...so I want to give it back to the rightful owner...take kare..and forget meeh not.. " My heart aches every time I see that letter. Sometimes I want to cry and give up and scream and throw the letter away but I keep it to remind how selfish I am. Maybe I'm hurting myself but I deserve it. I can't believe I just hurted him. I used to take this letter as a joke when I was mad at him, but now, when my eyes are fully open, your words are so true. My friend was being a *****. She means a lot to me but I didn't even know she threatened you. It hurted me so much because not only my friends were being mean, I hurted you the most. And the key, yes, my key. The key I gave to him. It was a old and valued key that I had. I was a key to my bedroom and I gave it to you when I met you, telling it was the key to my heart. *SIGH*...And still, I wonder sometimes if you still want to use the key to my heart... Well, months came and went by quickly. A month after we broke up, I found someone new. He was a great friend of mine. We ended up liking each other but that's a different story. (Tell me if you want to know about it! Hehe!) He was my summer love. During my relationship with him, I couldn't get over you. There was times where I just want to pick up the phone and call you and listen to your romantic voice. Times when I got so frustrated over nothing, I thought about you. Everything, I thought about you. It may sound insane but I did. I was with a different person but in my heart, I couldn't love him. I was so blind and so stupid. I was with another man, used him and told him I loved him when I really loved you! Ugh! I surely am a *****! The months passed by with my new love one. It didn't work out eventually. Nothing seems to last that long. Even when the relationship did end, I wasn't surprised. My heart wasn't 100% in it. I still thought about you endlessly. I haven't gotton over you. I was starting to think that I was just emotionally stupid and blind! I still believe I still am. I don't know what to do though. There was times when I called you, which was three months ago. A 20 minute talk with you. I knew you would never call me because I dumped you. I understand. *SIGH*... It was about 6 months that I had the nerve to call you! Can you believe that? Six freaken months! I was scared though. I thought you would hate me, hang up on me, and dispise me but, you didn't. I was surprised you even talked to me like a normal human being! All that pain I caused you and you still talked to me. *SOB*.. Responded: GirlInLove