I'm lost without him! Post a Reply | Views: 301 | Started By: snowflake | Replies: 3 Hi, I've been reading the different messages in these forums for years, but this is my first time asking for help from all of you. It's going to be a fairly long message so please try and take some time and put some thought into it. Please don't judge me by this situation, I'm trying the best that I can right now. Thank you.Here goes: Well, I've know Tim* since the sixth grade and we've been friends ever since, I'm now 20 years old. Throughout high school, we both had boyfriend/girlfriends and never really gave eachother a second thought like we were more than friends. We didn't even hang out back then, anyways, we both survived and we broken up with, 3 year long relationships with our past gf/bfs. We happened to be broken up with around the same time in the summer, anyways about 6 months later, I saw him at a restaurant and we began talking. At the time i attended a different university than him in a different town. But my first semester there, without a bf, was rough on me, I began experimenting with alcohol and making out (strictly making out) with guys all of the time at parties, i was trying to be someone i wasn't. I wanted all these guys to like me for me but I wasn't being true to myself, I was shown one awful evening at a party, what a mistake i really made by drinking, some football guy got hot and heavy with me. Anyways, I learned my lesson, to stop drinking, about 3 weeks later, is when Tim* and I got together. It was love in the first week of our relationship and we were together and completely in love for the first 7 months and then, something changed, he no longer said i love you and, i began to worry. Sure enough, he broke up with me, after i came back from a week long vacation with my family. At the time he said things just weren't working between us and so we broke it off. A few days after our breakup he began talking to me about a girl named Kala*. Tim* and I were best friends and he felt he could tell me about Kala*, which hurt but still showed he wanted some type of relationship with me and that there was "hope" for us starting again or so i thought. Well, I being a complete idot, began sleeping with him whenever he called. He knew that I still loved him and I knew it was a booty call but i still stuck to him like glue in hope of renewing our relationship. Well, as we continued to sleep together, and since were were in the same college classes, we saw quite abit of eachother. He went to visit her one weekend and when he came back, he was no longer talking about her to me. Before that weekend, one night after he got some from me, he told me that the real reason for breaking up with me (since i would always cry and beg him to tell me why we broke up) was because he "thought he could do better than me." ok, right then and there i should have know how much of an ******* he really was, but i kept returning to him. Anyways by november, i met a guy named Charlie*, Charlie* was older (not the same age as me like Tim*) and seemed more mature. I really liked him a lot. Tim* found out about Charlie* and there was a lot of tension around the subject. ANyways, Charlie moved to town and Tim* began to "love me" again. I had slept with charile and tim around the same time, I finaly broke it off with charlie and went back to Tim. After a week with Tim, I kissed charlie one evening and Tim found out and didn't want me to speak to charlie anymore. I realise that it was wrong to do and i am happy to say that charlie is quite happy in his new relationship. Well, Tim then bought me a promise ring, meaning he loved me. Well, we stayed happily and in love together for the next 6 months.Then, it began again, he stopped telling me he loved me and i began to worry. I did my best to keep his attention on me and prayed he didn't want another girl. Well, this was before school started, and he told me he believed that although he was going away to school in another town, our relationship would survive. Well, i had my doubts but trusted him and tried to be the great gf, by baking him cookies and sending him letters to his dorm. In october, my doubts were lingering and so i checked his email out of curiousity. Sure enough he had been talking to a girl from Michigan. The bad part was, that he saved her messages in her own folder and i read them. he had been speaking to her for about 2 weeks. There were only 3 letters. They consised of talk about love and how much she loved his voice on the phone and how he made her feel all hot and sexy. This freaked me out of course, i'd never guessed he'd be a cyberfreak. Anyways, that night i called him and broke it off. That next weekend he came home and told me that he had planned to break up with me because he didnt think our relationship was working again. I said bullshit, you are a cheater and he denyied it. Well, he still hasn't admitted it but about 3 days after we broke up he told me that she was his girlfriend and he was in love with her. I laughed in disgust of course and for some reason continued talking to him. She visited him in november, i found that out by him, and a week after her visit to him she cheated on him with her ex bf. Well throughout this time we still chatted on msn and hadn't seen one another. The following week, he visited me and we made out. I thought, it was becasue he wanted to get back at her but he swore it wasn't. Bullshit i know. Anyways, i continued to speak to him and he wanted her and i to talk and get along. Well, I didn't like that idea much so over msn we only exchanged a few hellos and that was that. While i was talkng to him and her in a 3 way conversation, he was privately talking to me and wanted to cyber. Anyways, the following week he visited and we had sex. He told her and stuff and somehow their relationship survived. Well, I am so completely confused about the whole thing. Then tonight i saw him and he was flirty but everytime we talk the phone rings and it is her. I don't want him back but then again i miss him and how we were when we were happy. He admitted to still having slight feelings for me but he is still with her. Tonight and last night was the first time i've seen him that he didn't try to sleep with me. The phone rang it was her and i decided to leave. now, here i am and i feel like shit. I know i should dump the loser but there is part of me that thinks about how good we were together and how we seemed like soulmates. she is coming to visit him on new years for a week. I just began dating a guy now that is also coming on new years to see me. Tim wants to have a double date and i said no. I don't know, this is all so mixed up right now. I gave tim his xmas present tonight and i'm thinking about telling him that what i want from him for xmas is a 2 month break from him. I really don't know waht to do anymore, i'm seeing a counciler and she helps but i am sooo lost right now. i just want to stop feeling this way. Thank you for reading this. I really appreciate it. Any suggestions would be great.

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I don't think he knows how to be your friend. If he really cared about you and your feelings, he would not treat you like that. He doesn't want you to be happy with another man, he wants to keep you in reserve. (Of course, this is only my opinion.) I think a break is needed- but an indefinite one, not just 2 months. Don't double date with him, he would probably try to sabotage your current relationship. Cut him off completely. Maybe someday he'll realize that he made a mistake and try to come back to you- but you deserve better than he's giving you now. Maybe you'll discover that the new guy you're with is really "the one." Give yourself a chance to be happy. Good luck Responded: Precious   Dear snowflake, I do not know how long ago this message was posted, by after reading it I felt compelled to try to help. Relationships are very confusing: they can bring  the greatest joys and sweetest sorrows. I do not know your boyfriend, but perhaps being a guy will help shed some light, or at least give you another opinion. I do not know your boyfriend, so it unfair for me to criticize him. And I'm certain there are things about him you absolutely love, qualities that show promise of true love. However romantic and sweet he may be at times, looking at his history of cheating you have to question the relationship and if it should be worth continuing. Unfortunately, some guys cheat on their girlfriends for so many reasons. But perhaps the best way to sum up why guys cheat is because they don't understand love. If he cheated on you more than once, than I think this pattern will not change unless you do something. There are two options I can think of to better the situation, which one you take is ultimately your choice. Do not sleep with him anymore, stay strong and just be friends, nothing more. Be kind, but not affectionate. Do not say you love him anymore and do not let him see you are hurting. Easier said than done, I'm sure. But perhaps after several loong long months or maybe a year or so of hoping around with other girls that he will realize that you were something special. This option is of course, not a sure thing. He may not come back to you and he might find someone else. If you truly believe he was the one for you than wait it out and see if he comes to realize it. Some guys learn from their mistakes, but some don't. Your second choice is definitely the healthier choice: try to find someone else. You have to ask yourself this: do you love your old boyfriend or the idea of being loved? It is truly a hard question to answer by yourself. But, is it possible that you don't want to leave him because you love the idea of someone caring for you?  Try dating other people, don't give up after a couple of bad dates...honestly, most people won't find their true love until stumbling over a few jerks. Just because the first couple of guys you start dating aren't what you are looking for, doesn't mean there is no one out there. Being hurt, lost and confused is a horrible feeling. It is hard to get over being cheated on and it can leave a person asking a lot of questions. Everything you feel is normal and honestly, it just takes time. Whatever choice you choose, will take time. I truly hope you find your answers. Good luck snowflake.   Responded: Anonymous   You only have one life make sure you are happy Responded: Guest