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What's a man's idea of housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
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What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home!
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What did God say after he created man?
I can do better than this!
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What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer!
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How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
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What's the best way to force a man to do situps?
Put the remote between his toes.
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How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook/they eat we clean/they dirty we iron/they wrinkle!
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Reasons computers must be male
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
A better model is always just around the corner.
They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
It is always necessary to have a backup.
They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
The lights are on but nobody's home.
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Dating hints for gentlemen
There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...
I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.
I used to come here all the time with my ex.
Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.
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Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
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