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	In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?" The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here." The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?" The second responds, "God told me I was." At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"   Cast you Vote:
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	A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a psychiatrist. He finishes up one session by telling him, "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Delaware and surprise them when they least expect it." As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and says, "King George, this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans."   Cast you Vote:
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Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "oc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!" "That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?" "I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!" "One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously. "Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist." "A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?" "Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."   Cast you Vote:

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A psychologist was walking along a Hawaiian beach when he kicked a bottle poking up through the sand. Opening it, he was astonished to see a cloud of smoke and a genie smiling at him. "For your kindness," the genie said, "I will grant you one wish!" The psychologist paused, laughed, and replied, "I have always wanted a road from Hawaii to California." The genie grimaced, thought for a few minutes and said, "Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't do that! Think of all the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how long they'd have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement. That's too much to ask." "OK," the psychologist said, not wanting to be unreasonable. "I'm a psychologist. Make me understand my patients. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, what do they really want? Basically, teach me to understand what makes them tick!" The genie paused, and then sighed, "id you want two lanes or four?"   Cast you Vote:

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	One behaviorist to another after lovemaking: "arling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?"   Cast you Vote:
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	How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital? The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!   Cast you Vote:
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Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a set of curtains! Pull yourself together, man! Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell. Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring. Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow. Don't let people push you around. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible. Who said that?! Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me. What do you mean by that? Doctor, doctor, People keep ignoring me! Next! Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say. Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem? Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later. Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly! Lay on the couch, face down. Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop stealing things. Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV! Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon. Sit there and don't stir. Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive. Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm... Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights. And how long have you had this complaint? Who wants to know? Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank! And how long have you had this complaint? What complaint? Doctor, doctor, I feel so short! No problem. Hop up on the couch. Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket. You do look a little pail. Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live. Wait a minute please. Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!   Cast you Vote:

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	Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!   Cast you Vote:
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	Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge. What's come over you? Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.   Cast you Vote:
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	Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a cat. How long has this been going on? Oh, since I was a kitten!   Cast you Vote:
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