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Pick-Up Lines to use on Accounting Chicks
You've got a lovely pair of W-2's.
Please, baby, let me withhold you.
Nice assets.
Lady, you make my pants file for an extension.
In my office, I.R.S. stands for I'm Really Sexy.
Let's fill out a 1040 - you are a 10 and I'm a 40.
If I help you screw Uncle Sam, can I be next?
Technically, having sex with me is like a charitable gift.
You're entitled to a $5,000 tax break on your municipal bond income... now let's do it.
You're the kind of girl I could take home to mother - which is good, since I still live with her.
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How accountants do it...
Accountants do it by the book.
Accountants do it within budget.
Accountants do it to the bottom line.
Accountants do it with double entries.
Accountants do it between spreadsheets.
Accountants are Certified to do it in Public.
Accountants do it without losing their balance.
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You might be an Accountant if...
you refer to your child as Deduction 214.
you deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses".
you have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store.
at the move Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation.
getting to sleep is an exciting event that you look forward to all day long.
your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
you are doing it now because you checked the file and found that you did it last year.
you decide to change your name to a symbol and you choose the double underline "======"
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How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
"What kind of answer did you have in mind?"
Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget.
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An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."
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Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. " octor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
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A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
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