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"I'd give a thousand dollars to the man who would worry for me!"
"You're on. Now, where is those thousand dollars?"
"That is your first worry!"
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A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.
"I know," the employer said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."
"Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake," the worker answered, "but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."
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We're overpaying him but he's worth it.
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If a train station is where the train stops and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?
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It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.
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Why God Never Received Tenure at the University
Because he had only one major publication.
And it was in Hebrew.
And it had no cited references.
And it wasn't published in a refereed journal or even submitted for peer review.
And some even doubt he wrote it himself.
It may be true that he created the world but what has he done since?
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate his results.
He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he often punished them, or just deleted them from the sample.
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Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."
Black employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
They all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."
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"I'm never going to work for that man again"
"Why, what did he say?"
"You're fired"
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Four-word story of employment: Hired, tired, mired, fired.
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It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own.
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